Kink 101: Your Basic Guide
Date posted: 30/10/15
Almost everyone has a little something that gets them going which may be considered outside the realm of ‘normal’. The term ‘kink’ can cover a wide variety of sexual fetishes, including the more ‘popular’ ones like BDSM right through to less spoken-about turn-ons like particular role-plays. So what if you want to engage in some kink-play and have no idea where to start? For starters, forget any pop-culture books that may have sprung to mind – there’s a whole world of healthy, real kink out there that is just waiting to be explored!
What Is Kink?
As stated earlier in this article, the word kink is often used as a blanket term for sexual fetishes. It comes from the idea of having a bend – differing to the ‘norm’. Some people differentiate kink and fetishes, arguing that they have two different meanings and involve differing perspectives on intimacy.
How to Get Started
There is a strong community of people who enjoy a sex life with a difference, and it tends to be quite inclusive. You can start by searching for a community relating to your particular kinks or interests, and you can learn about what is and isn’t alright, how to engage in your chosen kink in real life, and get in touch with people who have similar turn-ons. They can help you become familiar with any relevant terms as well – some of the lingo can be a bit obscure, so having someone spell it out is sometimes necessary!
As you get more involved in the community, it is important to learn about yourself as well – you may discover that you have a stronger interest in other acts, or you may learn that an interest you thought you had doesn’t actually translate to real life enjoyment. The more you know about yourself, the more pleasure you can get from each sexual experience!
Key Points for Safety and Pleasure
While many communities have their own rules and guideline for keeping all members safe and happy, there are a few general concepts which span across every sexual encounter – kink or vanilla.
First is consent – forget the old ‘no means no’ adage and replace it with ‘only yes means yes – enthusiastic and unforced’. Be sure that consent is always there; withdrawn consent partway through sex or play should always mean both parties stop immediately. Negotiate what will happen before the consent is given to ensure that everyone knows what they are getting into – obtaining what you want through deception is not cool.
Second, make sure safe words are in place and known to both parties. A popular system is to use colours: yellow means ‘slow the pace and let me gather myself’ and red means ‘stop immediately’. This simple system can help guard against misunderstandings and give power to everyone involved.
Finally, be open and honest about potential issues. They might be medical (STIs or conditions that may affect the encounter) or emotional (past experiences may influence current behaviour). Regardless, if there is anything that you can reasonably foresee causing any problems, let your partner/s know before they give consent.
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